You may want to create a memorial for your relative or friend. There are many options, from carved stone to online webpages.
On this page we give you information about:
1. Memorials at the crematorium
2. Memorial graves
3. How to arrange the memorial
4. Other memorials
5. Memorials online
Memorials at the crematorium
About a week after a cremation has taken place, the crematorium often sends a brochure offering a memorial. These may include, at various charges:
- An entry in the Book of Remembrance. The page is displayed on the anniversary of death or of the funeral. Some crematoria sell a miniature reproduction of the entry as a card or bound as a booklet.
- A memorial plaque or inscription on a panel on a wall on their site.
- A place in their colonnade of niches for ashes called a columbarium, where the ashes are either walled in by a plaque or left in an urn in the niche.
- Memorial trees or rose bushes with a small plaque placed nearby.
In a churchyard there is no automatic right to a memorial and there can be strict rules including limitations as to the size of the memorial, the type of stone and the wording of the inscription.
- Most churchyards have a maximum permissible size for stone tablets marking the location where ashes are buried.
- Anything other than a simple headstone or inscription requires the granting of a faculty, and the wording of an inscription must be approved by the local church official.
Municipal and private cemeteries are generally less rigorous than churchyards in setting rules about types of stone and the wording of inscriptions. Bear in mind that the upkeep and safety of a memorial is the responsibility of the person who arranged for it to be placed in the cemetery.
How to arrange the memorial
The funeral director or monumental mason will normally apply to the church or cemetery authorities for permission to erect a memorial, and a copy of the entry in the burial register or the deeds of the grave may be required.
If you have any questions, contact a member of the National Association of Memorial Masons who will know the strict regulations around the health and safety aspects of placing a heavy stone on a grave.
The cost varies enormously, depending on the type of stone, size, ornamentation, finish and lettering. It is normal for the stonemason to ask for a 50% deposit to be paid by the client on confirmation of the order.
VAT is charged on the provision of a new headstone or on adding a new inscription to an old one. However, you don't have to pay VAT for the removal and replacement of existing memorials, or on the cemetery fee for the erection of the memorial.
- Gifts to charity, which allows people to contribute as they are able
- Placing a bench in a favourite place
- Planting a tree
- Setting up a competition (such as at the deceased’s bridge club).
Many charities will set up a webpage memorial to which you can contribute photographs and comments. This allows you to offer more personal reminiscences than is possible at the funeral, provided it is done with sensitivity and respect.
The best sites have security systems that allow you to control what is accessible to the public and what is password protected. Some also allow fundraising in memory of the loved one. See this page of the Good Funeral Guide for ideas.
- Coping with bereavement: we explore what grieving is, how to cope with it and get support if necessary.
- Funeral paperwork: an explanation of which forms you need for a cremation or burial.
Page first published: December 2015
Next review due: October 2017