When you are making the decision of a relative moving in with you, take a step back and consider the potential benefits and drawbacks. These might include some or all of the following.
The benefits of living with a relative
- Your relative won't be living alone: there are all sorts of reasons why your relative might not find living by themselves as easy as it used to be. Running a household by yourself can be very demanding, and perhaps your relative feels they are struggling to keep on top of things. They may be feeling lonely and would prefer to have their family around them. Some people feel less safe living on their own, or they worry about having no one around in case of an emergency.
- Time together: when a relative lives with you, it allows you to spend more time with them than would otherwise have been possible. It may not only be the quantity of time that increases, but the quality also. Many older people feel reinvigorated in returning to an active family home where there is lots for them to do; and you may find that they add a welcome dimension to family life.
- Bonding with grandchildren: any children who still live at home will be gaining a great opportunity to bond with their grandparents.
- Practical help around the home: if you have younger children living with you, your relative could be a reliable, familiar and immediately available babysitter (and one that you probably won’t need to pay by the hour). They could also provide a much needed extra pair of hands around the home, helping with daily tasks such as cooking and cleaning, which could be particularly valuable if you and your partner are out at work during the day. Of course, you shouldn’t just assume that your relative will automatically and always want to do these things, especially if they still enjoy a social life of their own. But you may find they are more than happy to help, and could enjoy the feeling of making a contribution.
- Financial assistance: if a relative moves in with you, there’s a good chance they will be able to offer some level of financial assistance. This could be a modest and regular (weekly or monthly) contribution to the mortgage or household bills, or something more significant: for example, paying for an extension to the home, or having a conservatory built. It may even be that you and your relative wish to pool your resources and buy a larger home together. This could be made possible by one or both of you selling your existing homes.
The drawbacks of living with a relative
- Less space: unless you are moving into a larger property, you will, of course, be sharing the same amount of space between more people. This can sometimes be a challenge, particularly in homes that already feel congested. Even if your house currently seems unduly spacious – for example, if you are a recent ‘empty nester’ – it’s possible that your relative moving in will significantly change its feel.
- Less time for yourself: even if your relative is very independent and has an active social life, it is likely that they will want to spend time with you – after all, they moved in with you for a reason. Everyone is different, of course: some people are generally quite happy in their own company, while others want constant companionship. Be aware that you will probably need to make some changes to your lifestyle, and be prepared to have less time for yourself.
- Emotionally demanding: relationships with our loved ones are not always straightforward and when we live with someone, we lose the option of taking time out if tensions become strained or feelings get bruised.
- Returning to live with a parent: some people find that returning to living with a parent can create a strange dynamic. For example, if you are a parent with your own children living at home, it is (usually) clear who has authority. When you yourself are middle-aged, for example, and your parent comes to live with you, these lines can become blurred, which can, in turn, create tension.
- Taking on caring duties: if your relative requires a certain degree of personal care – for example, help with bathing or using the toilet – having them live with you may not be the right option, unless you are prepared to become their carer.
Talk about it
An arrangement such as this will only work if it suits everyone involved. That means you, your partner, any children who are still living at home and, of course, your relative. Make sure that everyone gets a chance to share their feelings on the situation, even if (for example, in the case of younger children) the final decision will not be theirs.
- Legal transfer of property: this guide can help you understand the rules surrounding the tax implications of moving into your relative's home.
- Dealing with changing care needs: advice and guidance on how to deal with changing levels of care and support for your relative.
- Practicalities to consider: before you make a decision, consider some of the practicalities as well as benefits and drawbacks.
Page last reviewed: January 2016
Next review due: February 2018